Lollapalooza 1993
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99 Grams of bud in the car - By Augie

(Editor's Note : This article is a capture of Augie's Posts on AlterNet,
with the headings, macros, and taglines edited out and replaced by

Pre-Prologue - "Well" <G>

Seeing as how I can't send out mail on my board.. I'll post here.
In another 3 hours, I will be forced to wake up, after waking up I will to go
Denny's wherein I will meet Sir Robin, Quasar, Lurch, Rook, Violent Femme, and
two people I've never seen before.
  Right now I am at Tyrones, Hannibal Lekter (Tim, the Enchanting One) is here
as well, but they are sleeping, or watching Beavis and Butthead, which I find

What will unfold iduring the coarse of this day? I hope it will beat out my
Grateful Dead experience, in sound, sight, and of course.. mind altering
drugs.. I just hope  I live through it all! (kinda have too, I've driving and
all) Well, to all those who aren't partaking on the trip to Milan, I say
hahahhaa. To those who are, I'll see you in the mosh pits (Yes, Psycho. I am
going in.. <G>) Peace all.


Prologue - "azoolapalloL (Lollapalooza in reverse) <g>"

Welp.. her I sit again.. I just worked longer than I have slept in the last
three days put together..

Lolla morning...
I was at Mark's (Tyrone, Who else?) house, and Mark (Hannibal Lekter) was
there as well. Geralds took over the couch, Samp was on the floor, and I was
in the constantly moving LazyBoy wannabe chair thingie.. ok.. anyway..

I called Audrey, she wasn't home.. so I gave her parents the number of marks
house (no wait, I did that Thursday night before Smithereens) (Mark:WHITE

so anyway.. Audrey was in Warren... she was not due home until Noon Friday. I
laughed and thought "Too damn bad I'll be at Milan then.." So... there was a
message on Marks answering machine from her saying some stuff I don't
remember.   We went to bed, 2 seconds before I turned out the light, mark saw
a peice of paper with the # of where Audrey was at.) So I called, and a very
tired sounding mother answers and was quite perturbed, but I didn't care, so I
made her wake up Audrey..

Audrey then proceeded to not shut up.. she said something about not being able
to get any buds, which drew my attention, but I was to sleepy to really care.

I then got off the phone and went to sleep. (Tried to go to sleep, couldn't,
then I think I logged on here, and posted something about Lolla.)

Here ends the preliminary post.. move onward.


Chapter 1 - "99 Grams of bud in the car, 99 grams of bud, take 1 down.."

<title> pass it around... 98 grams of bud in the car... 98 grams of bud in the
car, 98 grams of bud.. take 1 down, pass it aroudn.. 97 grams of bud in the a

The Highway... Once a dream of architeture... now a means of speeding.. this
was the course we took to reach our goal.. Lollapalooza..

There were four cars.. In the first, there was Lurch,Rook, Al (Not from
Quantum Leap), and some chick I don't know. Second, there was Pat,Sir
Robin,Heidi, and I forget who was in each car really, but I'll keep trying..
Third.. ME, Tyrone, Audrey, and 2 guys I didn't know. Fourth, 2 guys I didn't
know. Fifth (I guess there was 5 cars.. sorry for lying) the was my friend
mike, who I've been friends with since I was 4, and haven't seen or heard from
in a year, but he was friends with the guys I didn't know, who were friends
with Audrey.. which was really weird, because I wasn't expecting to see him..
althugh I think he still has my Leisure Suit Larry 5 manual.. but anyway..

I had some objectives to accomplish on the way.. 1) Not losing Pat. 2) Staying
sober 3) Not losing my license.

The first and third are a paradox, I couldn't keep up with Pat (who was just
keeping up with 90+mph Lurch) without risking losing my license. This caused
me to swear vulgarities in the same sentenct as Lurch's name many many times.

We were nearing the Dragway when my car stopped running.. I assume it over
heated, but I was able t it, by popping it in neutral, and starting the car
(Unlike Violent Femme, who puts cars in reverse, and then back into park
without touching the brake pedal, which is NOT a nice thing to do to someone,
especially when they must jump in the car window, just to save the car from
utter turmoil)

Well.. we got there.. so I lead you onward once again.


Chapter 2 - "Lolla Land"

Well, I was fixing my muffler, while everybody was standing aroud. (Which is
hard to do while it's still hot) gave up, looked up, and all my friends had
ditched me, and I had to hang around with Audrey's friends who I didn't know..
but half of them turned out to be the little brothers of my friends, who I
went to Grateful Dead with.)

We stood around waiting for them to let us in.. Audrey didn't shut up.. (this
was getting on my nerves.. she's nice to look at, but equally annoying) Once
in I watched the Coctails.. who seemed pretty cool... then we wandered, and I
was jumped by some crazy asshole who turned out to be Debaser.. who was damn
glad I was me and not some guy that would want to kill someone who jumped on
them. Mike showed me where he was sitting.. I sat and talked to him for a
while.. and I heard people shouting my name.. he was about 6 feet from about
20 people from my school (including Wonko The Sane, but only people on my
board know of him) Well, I was due to meet Audrey at the trashcan so I left my
friends who were sitting by the way-cool tree.
 Audrey decided we'd sit WAY in back so people wouldn't see us smoke anything
illegal.. I then wandered.. my only goal to find my true friends.. especially
tyrone.. who was who I wanted to hang with most.. I wandered and bumped into
someone who had hair just like mine.. we stared at each other for about 5
minutes.. when finally he said "FREAK!" and walked off...  I wandered once
more.. I bumped into Rob, who came with the 20 people from my school, and was
sitting with them, so I siad i'd stop by later and chat with him.. I then
bumped into some freaky person with a cute butt... he turned out to be Mark..
we were both very happy at this point, and started walking and hanging out..
we had our arms on each others shoulders which is compleatly normal in the
90s..  he then took me to where everyone else was.. Violent Femme saw me and
gave me a hug.. which surprised me, because I've always thought she hated me,
and I was nothing more than a mere <jerk> to her...

This is too long again.. and I think I should start a new post..
(hey, I'm a journalist. ok.. we're not allowed to write long stuff without
breakign it up a little.."


Chapter 3 - "A Pit Virgin No More"

Mark made me go in the pit. I think it was Rage againt the machine who was
playing.. some guy landed on me, and somehow kicked me in the balls real
hard.. it hurt, and I wanted out..


Chapter 4 - "Floogie!"

We went back to our towel... Heidi had her shirt off..


Chapter 5 - "<Inhale>"


well.. what do you think I did next?


This is what Lurch refers to as being an asshole.. at least thats what I


Chapter 6 - "Blech!"

Babes in toyland sucked..

the Arrested Development came on.. I decided to go chech out Tool.. and maybe
bump into Tyrone again...

Instead I bumped into my cousin.. and then proceeded to be an asshole for
about 2 hours... once every ten minutes or so..

Somehow.. I lost my cousin and ended up in the pit.. I was about 1 foot and a
half (third person) from the stage when Dinosaur Jr. started..
I had already bumped into everyone I ever met before in my life.. and I bumped
into Debaser many many many times..

In the pit, I also bumped into the guy with hair like me who called me a
freak.. we laughed..

There was some loud noise.. and they started taking the set down.. this made
me mad.. I started yelling vulgaritys.. to calm down the people, they started
hosing us down.. the security guard hosing us down was none other than my
sisters boyfriend.. I started yelling his name, Thom, and he saw me.. I got a
whole bunch of people to yell 'give thom a raise, give thom a raise'

They took the tarp that was hanging down. they accomplished this by dropping
it on us.. it hurt a lot.. but they warned us to cover our heads.. I caught a
peice of it, and stuffed it in my pocket.. a souvenir which now hangs in my

Alice in Chains came on.. I proceed to be smooshed next to some girl with
large breast.. although I didn't mind.. she did, and so did her boyfriend..
who punched me and I started to bleed from the nose (which isn't hard to do, I
have one of those noses that bleed from sudden change in temperature..) I
yelled 'help' but no one cared.. except for the big guy that proceeded to
knock out the bad guy with one punch.. being a wimp... I was amazed.. they
then threw him, and secureity took him away... the big guy was now my best

Sometime during the moshing.. my assholeness started to kick in.. and I kept
losing my balence.. this was bad.. so I decided, that before I could pass out,
I should get the hell out of there.. my new best friend hoisted me and I body
surfed until they dropped me.. and I was very far from my best friend.. so I
then proceeded to become scared.. on the way down.. fell on someone.. who was
on the ground, and their elbow hit my souvenir and punctured my skin... that
hurt.. and I screamed.. the guy next to me thought I was screaming for the
band, and said 'yeah, I love this song too!" and gave me a high five.. but I
missed his hand, and he laughed.. I was thrown around.. and lost myself amonst
people I don't know..

Well.. I started to get dizzy, and realised my true assholeness.. afterwords..
I was not up to moshing.. so I made my way outward.. I wandered and saw
someone I knew... she said my nose was bloody, and I said 'at least I have my
health'.. her boyfriend then noticed that my shorts were bloody too.. this
frightened me.. because my assholeness made me forget my pain.. so Iforgot
abot the  punctured leg.. which is a dumb thing to do, especially if it's
still in the wound.. she made me take my shorts off.. I think I made some
sexual piglike comments.. but then I don't remember.. I woke up.. she was
gone, and my souvenir was in my hand.. and my face was no longer bloody.. I
was relieved when I found my shorts.. I stumbled up.. and wandered around in
the dark.. I bumped into a naked female, who I wish I knew,but I didn't.. so
then I went to go see primus.. I got bored.. so I got a shirt and left to go
find my car..

oh yeah.. sometime during this I saw Fishbone.. but I decided to be an asshold
before they were done. (sorry lurch <g>)


Chapter 7 - "Needle in a Haystack"

I wanderd around the parking lot.. stoned, and wanting to sit in my car.real
bad.. this girl in a pick up truck said 'hi'.. I said hi back and kept
looking.. 10 minutes later.. about 1 row and five cars down from the girl in
the pick up.. I found my car.. kissed it.. and then got it.. it looked like my
back window had been broken.. it wasnt. But some jerk I drove left 2 cans of
coke in the back, and with the black interior and teh sun.. they blew up..
I fixed my mufflar and went to the pick up to fufill my raging hormonal
needs.. she was not drunk or high, and was rather pretty.. so I didn't have a
chance.. so I just sat in the pick up and talked to her.. some guy walked by,
she bummed a cigarette off of him.. he turned out to be one of the guys I
drove.. so I gave him my keys, he went in my car.. gave back my keys.. and
left.. Audrey left with them.. but she was to much of a bitch to tell me
goodbye.,. I only paid for her ticket.. why should she?


Chapter 8 - "penis. Penis. PEnis. PENis. PENIs. PENIS! PENIS! PENIS!"

I heard the cry of the penis game.. it turned out to be Mark, Mark, and all
the cool people.. (Lurch was there, too <G>)

I brought mark to the happy pickup truck and told him how much of an asshole i
had been. Then Pat came (ewwwww, gross.. <g>)  we left.. mark and yelled from
our cars.. we all sand some annoying song, which I forget how it goes..and we
made it to to the highway..

went to Denny's.. I ate nachos.. and so did everyone else.. but they were

everyone left.. I saw my friend Julie on the way out.. she wouldn't let me
drive home baked.. (even though I had driven and hour from lolla.. sheesh) so
the Al guy drove my car.. (no one else in teh world has ever driven my car
while I have owned it.) and he drove himself home, and I drove to marks..
slept.. woke up in the morning, and went to work.. I just got home, and here I
am now.. I will be sleeping in about 5 minutes.. good night..

I have no more concerts to go to the rest of the summer.. I'm leaving on my 3
week vacation after Saturday.. I need sleep..

Lurch: I will not be an asshole until the end of August.. where I will be a bi
asshole with a co worker of mine. AFter that, I won't be an asshole for an
even longer time.

bye all..peace!

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